I am what they call a ” jobs worth” . I would say I’m slightly Asperger’s. I do what’s right and tell the truth, even if you don’t like it.
I have been successful in all my many jobs. I’m a quick learner and once I’ve learnt it all and got to the top , I then loose interest and move onto another job or study or business venture.
My mum’s a solicitor , from a young age I was drawn into helping her study and at times we swapped homework. I pick up information and store it in my memory I call my sponge of random information. SORI.
I did have some friends but I never really socialised outside of school or at school. I never new what class I was ment to be going to or even where it was unless my friends told me first and took me. I was a zombie. I just said I smoked weed . But I didn’t . How else can I explain how I was the way I was??
I think my mum asked and expect too much from me. My little brother was born when I was 12. I was expected to look after him, my mum would leave at 5am some days to go to Leicester university for her law degree and on a working day she would leave at 8am , on those days she would take my brother to nursery. But it was up to me on the days she was going to Leicester . It was also up to me to collect him on my way back from school. I had to make dinner and bath and get him ready for bed by the time she got back from work around 6:30pm. Most days he was in bed asleep by the time she got back and she always found something to pick on me about. Hence the sleeping in the back of my dad’s van. My dad had his own business and my mum expected alot from him as well. She wasn’t happy with him just working during the day, she organised for him to do a sleep over duties at the local mental health support home. My other brother T . Was put into a private boys boarding school at age 7. When my little brother was old enough at 4. She put him into boarding school with my other brother, I was kicked out during my GCSE’s as I moaned about having to miss an exam as she needed me to look after them. She rented my room out so I couldn’t return.
I was 15. A week away from being 16.
Anyway. I went any lived with my nan 15 miles away. She’s great , I love her so much. I missed her since my mum stopped talking to her when I was 9. I hadn’t seen her since then , but she took me in after I had stayed at friends and put myself into care as I got really ill with kidney infections so i then asked her if I could go live with her.
She dropped everything and took me in.
I got a job at a Retreat run by nuns for the posh and famous people where they went to basically die. I started my nursing then. 12 hour shifts 3 on 1 off. I think I was getting £2:80 an hour. But I loved the job. The nuns let me sleep for 3 hours in the afternoon ” study time” they called it 😂 I was good at my job as I was a quick learner and always passed my supervision with flying colours.
But I was getting fed up with living with my aunt and uncle who are a few years younger than me and they stressed my nan out so much, they were always arguing with each other and fighting. I shared a room with T my aunt. She didn’t give a shit about my stuff or that I had work the next day and would wake me up all the time to moan about how her brother S had pissed her off that day.
My nan had a male friend and my aunt went and stayed with him. She was 15. I found out that she was sleeping in his bed. He said ” she keeps her tights on” like that’s okay then. He had 2 other empty bedrooms and I didn’t understand. But I did. Something was wrong. It didn’t feel right. But he was like really old. And like a father figure to her. But still , it easy right.
It made me feel so uneasy that I blamed myself for T moving out and I thought if I moved out things would change. So I moved in with him, into one of his other bedrooms.
I came back from work one day and he was in the bath. T was in the bathroom as well.
I had saved money up and left. I went back to my home town near my parents and managed to get a one bedroom flat with the help of social services. I was 17.
I had no furniture. I was given a sofa bed and a calor gas fire to keep warm. My nan was heart broken with me leaving. But how could I tell her the truth?
I got a nursing job with the community nursing team , as I was trained in wee bags and bandages and drug administration.
The district nurse would meet me at the GP surgery and we would go out and visit patients in their homes. I was given on the job training. It wasn’t long until I was lead nurse and I was doing the training. I was only 18. They sent me off for a number of training days on how to take blood and emergency medical procedures. That one I did enjoy. But I remember I fell asleep on the train and ended up in Eastbourne. I slept on a bench that night as it was the end of the line and I was miles away from home. The next train was at 6:10am to Littlehampton. Good job it was Saturday and I didn’t have work.
My hours were cut as I kept calling in sick. I was tired all the time , plus the new blue coat ( district nurse) didn’t like me. She was a right bitch.
Years later after T tried to kill herself, it came out that he had been abusing her.
So I thought fuck it. I will make my hours up working another job.
I didn’t no that I wasnt allowed to work two jobs and I was given the option to leave with a good reference.
So I did. I was pissed off working. So I went on the dole. Least my rent would be paid and my council tax. I was actually better off and didn’t have to spend nights in with candle light as I couldn’t afford the electric that was paid by a key meter.
One night , a guy smashed in my door and while I was asleep, tried to rape me.
I got away and ran into a friend of mine who went back into my flat and beat the shit out of him , as he was still there looking for money or items to sell , I guess for drugs.
My friend, who was a member of a family that lived 3 doors away from my family home when I was growing up, took me back to his parents house and I was then taken in by them and I was given my own fully furnished bedroom with sea views and hot water and cooked meals. They got my stuff from my flat. I never went back there again.
The family were mad. I was living in a massive house with the most lovely married couple and her elderly mum, and their 3 sons. Aged (22,23 and 28.) One of their friends and a rather hectic nutty lodger in the basement flat. The house was always busy with lots of people. They claimed housing benefit for my room so there was no stress about having to pay bills or rent. I got. £37:50 a week to myself. These were the days of £1 a pint and buy one get one free Friday nights.
Not that I ever had to pay for a drink as when the boys took me out with them, that’s after they dragged me around the shops for new “garms” – they were South Londoners and after they spent stupid amounts of money of designer clothing, they wanted to check out fit girls in underwear shops or departments , and that’s why they took me with them. Not only did I have to go into the changing rooms with them to tell them if they looked stupid or not in the clothes they were buying, but I was then used to get them hooked up with girls. They would say I was their little sister and they were taking me out to buy me some new clothes, they would stop a good looking girl in a shop , hold up a dress and ask her if they thought I would look good in it. Then the banter would happen. They had all the charm. Well I did teach them. And they were all very very good looking, well built as they worked for their dads building company and very well dressed. I got new outfits out of it so I was happy.
I remember once. G the middle son, got a very attractive girl , she must of been 21 to try on a dress that he wanted to buy for me and model it for him in the shop.
Obviously, she came back with us as she was hooked.
I say us, I mean him. But us as in on the train via the pub.
She lasted the night and went the next day and never came back. That was his was. He liked the pull and to get what was impossible , possible and when he did he lost interest.
When we all went out, we went out. I was normally the only girl, but sometimes L they youngest son would bring his “girlfriend” Gem. She was a posh skinny attractive girl, who was at university. L wanted her after G had her. She was a well known in the town and had been previously in a relationship with one of the well known hard nuts.
Its was all just a game to these guys for top of the chain bullshit. It was like living with the Krays. All about the reputation and what people thought about them. The parents were no better.
Some girl turned up looking for G one afternoon and ‘ mother’ answered the door with me close behind. This girl was not happy. She started when mother told her that G was not in and to basically Fuck Off.
She kicked off. I’m told by mother to slap her down and not to take shit. So I did.
That was just an example of what was expected of me from them.
Don’t get me wrong. I was very attractive, slim size 6 . But when I kicked off, I sent everyone running. Including the sons.
G came in my room and woke me up once. He was messing about after having a shower and showing me his “windmill”. Then tried it on. I went mad after he tried to pin me down , I wrapped my legs round him and squeezed, I broke 3 of his ribs.
12 years of professional ballet gives you great leg strength. 😂
He never pissed me off again. Yeah I shagged him previously. It was just sex. He was very very good looking and yeah I did love him. But it was on my terms not his. And he needed to no his place.
We would get such attention when we went out all together. Free drinks , free to do what we wanted basically. No one would dare to start. Or even talk to me.
I don’t no if you’ve ever seen, How I met your mother, but there is this line where Barney would say to a girl.. have you met Ted? And hook him up with a girl in a bar .
That’s what I would go. But it was Great would pick the girl , I would go up to her and say , hey, have you met G…
It always worked. I was never jealous. What we had was not like that. Yes he would tell me he loved me and buy me things and take me out. Ohhhh but I wasn’t allowed near other men. His mates tried it on all the time and he was okay with them doing it. I wasn’t tho. Told them to fuck right off. I think G found it funny.
He used to have bad nightmares and I would find him on the floor next to my bed, wrapped in is duvet asleep.
I would make him a cup of tea and give him a hug in bed to warm him up and we would discuss what we were going to do that day. He would just sit there brushing my hair. He loved washing it as well. And doing my makeup. He liked me choosing his clothes for the day and he would constantly ask me if I thought he was good looking and fit. I would always be honest. I said his chest hair was too long so he got the clippers out and shaved all his body hair.. all his body hair in his bedroom then asked me if it looked better.
I met a guy that I really liked. It didn’t go down well so I decided to move out.
I got a flat near by, I went back to nursing. Paid my bills and then I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who dumped me for another woman and he wasn’t interested. I lost the baby at 18 weeks. It was horrible. I was on my own. Alone. No family and I had fucked off my adopted family for a guy who them finished with me. I had never felt so alone iny life. I was too proud to go back to them as I cut all ties with them for him.
Then I met D. He had a nice car. And was well known. In a different circle of friends.
Mental Health Recovery 